there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
