My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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