non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
