He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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