dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
is it fun? or sober?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
