just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
