I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize