Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
