there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
