I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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