I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
