hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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