She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
