You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
