There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
