I hate all girls vehemently.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize