i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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