My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
