so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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