I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
