This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
