well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
