I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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