Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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