she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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