i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I supernannyed him into submission
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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