I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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