There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
