like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
PANTIES FOUND
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
