let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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