Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
