I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
