I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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