went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
