Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
