I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
