did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
