I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
