I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
