She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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