Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
