I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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