Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
