they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
