i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
