good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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