just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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