do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
