If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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