after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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