just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
