Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Found your dick twin last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
