You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
