I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
