just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
