if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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