Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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