She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ok first of all what the fuck
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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