marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
