Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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