So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
