I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
