please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
