Already got asked if we're dating
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
