i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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