im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
