I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
