My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
