I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
