She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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