my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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