One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
