Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
