P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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